http://www.lifequalityinstitute.org/blog/index.php http://www.lifequalityinstitute.org/blog/index.php?entry=entry091124-121953 choose to live. Their stories, their perceptions, their understandings of life enrich my own understanding and enhance my capacity to serve others. This is certainly true when it comes to the experience of caregiving. As caregivers and care receivers, we are put through the emotional wringer as we vacillate between feelings of rage, love, and everything in between. Often what we are feeling is dependent on where we are in our journey of caregiving. The stories shared with me by caregivers and care receivers highlight the fact that a myriad of emotions is the norm. Caregiving is much like an accelerated roller coaster ride during which there are times we must simply hang on for dear life through the exaggerated highs and lows.

In order to teach effectively, I must be authentic. I must teach about that which I know. I know the challenges of caregiving. I know the fear generated by a terminal diagnosis of a loved one. I know the heartache of dementia. I know the transformative power of death, both positive and negative. I know the darkness of despair. But I also know the journey of caregiving to be so much more. There are times when caregiving is about love, joy, humor, laughter, devotion, commitment, communion, faith, possibilities, and incredible transformation. The challenge is to attain (or maintain) a balanced perception of the journey as we navigate the myriad of emotions triggered by our experiences.

As the Community Educator for Life Quality Institute, I created a program on caregiving that invites individuals and families to create a community of care, a group of people who share in the responsibilities of caregiving. An important part of the discussion revolves around the risks and rewards of being a primary caregiver or a care receiver relying solely on one person. The risks are fairly obvious (physical exhaustion, emotional and spiritual angst) to which most people readily relate. However, depending on where people are in the journey of caregiving, some people find it very difficult to identify any rewards or blessings. The current challenges are endless. The grief is raw. The risks overshadow any possible rewards. Consequently, some people find it difficult, if not offensive, to hear me speak of the “rewards” or “blessings” of being a caregiver. My comments seem flippant and “rose colored” to those who are knee deep in the journey.

Thus, it is incredibly important to understand where people are (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) in the journey of caregiving. I have been a caregiver which provides a basis for understanding the experience of other caregivers. However, I am reflecting on my past experience; it is not my current reality. Having the luxury of time to integrate my experiences (good and bad) and the subsequent losses into my life, I have a different perspective and appreciation for my experience as a caregiver. My emotions are no longer raw. The heartache I experienced as a caregiver slowly faded into the background as the realized blessings became the more prominent aspects of my memories. Time didn’t heal my wounds; however, time allowed for the process of healing to occur as a result of self-reflection and “re-membering.” Therefore, when talking with caregivers and care receivers, I must listen first in order to appreciate their perspectives of caregiving and subsequently serve them well.

It is important for those of us who companion caregivers and care receivers to recognize the importance of time and timing. Just as in the bereavement process, we can’t rush people through the process. People need to be encouraged to feel what they feel, when they feel it, as long as they feel it. For those caregivers struggling to get from one day to the next, they have little interest in hearing about the “blessings” of caregiving. Their present reality is everything BUT a blessing. Instead, we need to encourage and honor those who are courageous enough to name the dark side of caregiving. The caregivers who attend my class and honestly admit that they are frustrated, angry, scared, tired, distraught, hopeless, and incapable of seeing anything positive about their situation are saying what every caregiver has felt, is feeling, or will feel at some point in time. They are bravely naming what others do not, cannot, or will not. However, there is always a sense of relief in the room once the unnamed is named. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer caregivers is the time, the permission, and the encouragement to share fearlessly.

The best advice I have to offer those challenged by the journey of caregiving comes from my mother – words that continue to guide me in all aspects of my life. When faced with a daunting task, “take one step at a time.” It took me many years to understand the essence of her words. She was advising me to be present to the moment. To focus on now. To have faith that by doing so, I’ll be prepared to take the next step…and you will too. Blessings to you and yours…..
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Most people visit Mount Evans to experience the drive to the top of the “fourteener” and enjoy the panoramic views of the Rocky Mountains. Although breathtaking (literally and figuratively), there is an often overlooked area of the mountain that speaks to my soul unlike any other place on earth, the bristlecone pine forest. A dear friend introduced me to the forest over 10 years ago. The pines live just below timberline and have adapted to the harsh environment so well that many are estimated to be over 1600 years old. My initial visit was a magical day of exploration, learning, absorbing, and enjoying. It was to the bristlecone pine forest I returned this summer to seek what is difficult (if not impossible) to attain when distracted by daily demands – a sense of peace and a renewed sense of purpose.

Thankfully, the forest was as I remembered – a sacred place. Although there is now a ranger station at the turnout complete with restrooms, most people do not linger. Instead, they snap a few pictures, make a pit stop, and then continue up the mountain. We, on the other hand, loaded our day packs with water, cameras, and trail mix in preparation for an extended visit with the bristlecone pines. There were no rules for the day. No time schedule. No pre-determined route. No expectations. No demands. Heavenly…

Our journey through the forest is truly a metaphor for life. As I took one step after another, I savored the unfolding of the path. With each twist and turn, a new perspective emerged. I didn’t worry about what was to come; instead, I enjoyed all that was before me. Everywhere I looked, I saw amazing things: gnarled tree trunks, brilliant blue skies, pristine white clouds, shimmering butterflies, and exquisite rock formations. The weather was quite variable moving from sunshine to clouds to rain to hail to snow! Interestingly enough, we enjoyed the changes and easily adapted to the conditions without complaint. Slowly, the burdens and the stress I carried to the mountain fell away replaced by a sustaining sense of gratitude and appreciation for life.

By being present to the moment, I had a heightened awareness of all things seen and unseen. Hidden in the twisted trunks and limbs of each tree, I slowly began to discern images. The greater freedom I gave my mind to imagine and to wonder, the greater my perception. Dragons, cats, dogs, old men, angels, lizards, alligators, ghosts, knights, and on and on! Instead of merely glancing at my surroundings, I took the time to see . As I touched the trunks of the venerable pines, I tried to imagine what the trees had witnessed over the centuries, and I felt the life energy – the spirit – of the pines. And as I embraced the almost overwhelming sense of peace in the midst of the pines, I felt renewed and recharged by the communion with Old Souls I sensed in the pines. What a gift…

So, the invitation and the challenge is this – discover what revives our souls and then intentionally seek opportunities for renewal. We are often very good at taking care of others while ignoring our own needs. However, to ignore our need to “be” in truly life-giving ways is to risk losing our ability to sense the sacred in the simple moments of life. I don’t know about you, but I am not willing to risk losing my sense of the sacred in this life. I am not satisfied to merely go through the motions and get things done while being weary in mind, body, and spirit. Instead, I want to dance among the pines savoring every step of the way and sensing I am companioned by amazing Old Souls. Now that is dancing with the stars…]]>